In the last two years the month of December has become a deep time of reflection for me of the year and the things that I learned, how it changed me and how I desire to move forward. This year has been a bit of a rollercoaster of shifting from the life I once lived to a new life. I stopped allowing people tell me how I should feel and how I need to dismiss what I feel. I’ve welcomed the emotions to flow through me. All of them! Ignoring them and pushing them away didn’t help me process them and begin to heal. Much of this I learned as a child from the religious upbringing I had as well as being involved in church as an adult. It was like it wasn’t ok to be human and have challenging moments. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
As I allowed these emotions to flow I had to learn how to navigate them with the help of therapy and having solid close relationships around me. And being alright if someone decided to walk away because for whatever reason they couldn’t handle where I was in the moment. I am by no means perfect or have it all together in any way and have made a great many mistakes and trying to learn from them and grow. I still work through negative self talk and the imposter syndrome daily.
Over this last year I have been stretched and made uncomfortable in ways I never thought possible. I’ve moved three times this year, closed a business temporarily, made a career shift, experienced hate through text messages and emails of condemnation due to me making the decision to live authentically. Also, experiencing one of the worst Lyme Disease flare ups I had in over a year. During this time I experienced crippling depression and major anxiety to the point where I shut down emotionally and physically. In all of it I learned a great deal again about perseverance and endurance and to be honest it really sucked! This year I had to get intentional with finding ways to cope and to heal. Writing has become one of the main ways to help me get my feelings and emotions out and process them. Also, being open to other healing modalities like acupuncture and energy work.
As I look back and reflect in these remaining weeks of 2022 the one thing that keeps burning in me is to keep going no matter what! There is also quite a few things that I learned and experienced that I refuse to take with me into 2023. It’s very important to me to make sure that anything that wasn’t building me up or causing me to feel small is not allowed anymore. But move forward with anything or anyone who was solid and uplifting even when circumstances got super challenging.
I know there were many people who went through very challenging times this year like myself and my encouragement for us all is to continue to move forward, surround ourselves with those ride or die relationships and don’t give up because things always shift because the universe has our back no matter what happens. Our lives have great purpose and it’s in those challenging times that we grow. It’s temporary and it doesn’t define us in any way. We’re still on our journey and the story is still being written. Keep going because it’s worth it!