Change is not a threat. It’s an opportunity. Survival is not the goal. Transformative success is. – Seth Godin
Often times our greatest transitions give birth to the greatest transformations. We’ve all heard the expression “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. It’s easier said than done for a majority of us. The pain of being uncomfortable I think sometimes is greatly magnified when we resist the change that the universe is trying to birth within us. I have been walking this journey since earlier this year and I will admit there have been times that I wanted to dig a hole and jump inside of it and have someone put the dirt back on top of me. Deconstructing from organized religion, deciding to walk away from my 14 year marriage to a man, coming out as a late in life lesbian and getting messages of hate and judgement from former colleagues and former church associates has been an intense transition.
As I have said in a previous blog entry I could no longer live by how I’ve been conditioned to live. I traded in one set of bondage for another one with organized religion since my childhood and then adulthood coming into Christianity. I knew that the decision that I made to take back my freedom and being authentically myself was going to cost me something great. But one thing is sure, I have something many of them wish they had and that is my freedom! I was willing to risk being labeled, judged, and condemned because at the end of it all it really doesn’t matter what people think it matters that I love myself and comfortable with who I am. I’ve learned on a heightened level this year not everyone is supposed to stay in your life. We’ve also heard it said some come for a reason, season or lifetime. My issue was I wanted everyone to stay for a lifetime and that is never the case and I can finally say without any hesitation I’m good with it.
I have found the very ones who are so quick to condemn and judge others have their own issues that they conceal and won’t deal with and they feel a sense of superiority and elitism over others because of a religious title they have been given which means absolutely nothing. I will say it again I HAVE MY FREEDOM AND I WALK IN MY TRUTH!
I had the opportunity recently to sit down with my ex husband as friends and us discuss our marriage and the things we seen and endured together over the years especially in the realm of doing ministry and we both agreed about the manipulation and control and how we are both relieved to be deconstructing. He was in no way surprised about me coming out because of things that happened while we were still together over the years. And he respected my decision to finally embrace myself because of suppressing it for so many years. We both are intentional about remaining friends as we both transition into our new lives.
Over the past year I have continued to discover so much about myself. I’ve had growth in areas I didn’t realize I needed growth in. But I also have discovered that there were things that I was taught and told not to enjoy that I do thoroughly enjoy now. I have had to adjust to my surroundings more than I care to mention here in the last few months just so that I could have the freedom that I desperately needed for myself. My journey is just beginning and will continue as I move forward. Transition is never easy on anyone but in it and through it there is strength, overcoming, perseverance and endurance that comes. You come to realize that your stronger than you ever realized when you decide to take steps to embrace your authentic self. It’s worth it!