Sitting down to write this new blog post has been a long time in the making. As I type this I began to chuckle because it was a thought in my head for a year and a half now. That was my last blog entry and it was just before a turbulent time began in our home. I have to be honest and transparent, never did I think that it would be a long season in between the posts. But here I am stepping out in faith again and believing that this entry will encourage someone.
I have often pondered life’s journey and the turns and twists that can develop as we move forward and how those times if we allow it can produce endurance and character. I have said in past blog posts that when a time of testing comes it is an opportunity for those spiritual muscles that developed atrophy to be awakened. It’s painful and in many cases at first and our natural human tendency is to get out of it as quickly as possible. But what if that very thing that you are facing acts at a catalyst to produce something in you that may have been lacking, intends to make you stronger, and shift your perspective.
As I have walked through this last year and a half many of those very things have taken place within me. Many times it wasn’t pretty by any means and it was a very challenging on many levels. Walking through the challenges of dealing with a chronic illness was something I had never faced before. I am a wife, dog mom, business owner, running enthusiast, artist, dancer, and the list goes on. I could breeze through things very quickly and was on to the next thing sometimes not even taking a break. All of which came to an abrupt halt in December of 2019. After months of various testing and even misdiagnosis it finally came back that I have Lyme disease and Epstein bar. I had no recollection of being bit by a tick at any point. And it was unclear if it happened a long time ago and laid dormant before manifesting symptoms or if was from a recent time.
It has been a growth journey for my husband and I spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I had to make a decision daily in the midst of physical pain and emotional pain that I had to move forward the best I could. There were days where it hurt to walk or do most of anything but I knew I had to get out of the bed even when I didn’t feel like I could. At the time I could no longer work in the salon as I had done for many years so I began working my Skincare & Body care business for 30 minutes a day. That is all that I could do at the time because of the cognitive issues I was having due to the bacteria and parasites from the Lyme and Epstein bar that had entered my brain. It would take me forever to do the trainings because I had a challenging time keeping up mentally coupled with exhaustion from inconsistent sleep. But despite that I still chose to get up and do what I could when I could.
The life that I was living appeared at the time to be something that could be a distant memory of what is considered normal. But for myself I knew that was a lie and an attempt to derail my progress. So everyday I did a little or tried to do at least one thing and with each passing day. Some days were easier and some harder but I moved forward the best that I could. I would listen to my bible and worship music drawing strength and encouragement in both. Holding onto those things that I knew to be true in the midst of the pain, heartache, and the drastic change in my quality of life. There were days when it came easy and days it was more challenging. I didn’t do it perfectly and I won’t pretend like I did. I knew who my Father was even in the midst of the pain and I knew that He wouldn’t scold me in the midst of tears running down my face as I cried out to Him. I found myself in a place of vulnerability with Him that I had not been in before. Feeling weak and tired and in many ways being tempted to question my faith I reminded myself of the love, faithfulness, wonders, and miracles I had seen Him do in mine and my husband’s life over the years.
Everyday I would rise, continue to move forward, and live! And those accusatory voices that continued to try and remind me of who I am not and bring up things from my past that I had done to possibly bring all this on were silenced! “Keep going my love, I’ve got you” rang in my ears. It produced an endurance and a deeper closeness with God. It’s been a year and a half now and I still rise daily secure in that love but also living and enjoying the moments of laughter and joy, while still walking out my journey of healing. Gaining new discoveries, new perspective, new wisdom, and rediscovering strength and victory running through my veins.